'I don't want to change my mind'

Monday night was back-to-school night at Stella's school, which is in the top 1% of public schools nationwide and a winner of the prized 10 out of 10 score on GreatSchools.net. Those two stats are what lulled me into not worrying a bit, (okay, just a little,) about her education this year.  Chris and I felt so confident about the schools here that we didn't even come out and visit in advance, we just signed Stella up.

Since school started, we've all been loving our four minute bike commute, as well as the experience of attending a neighborhood school. From out our front door, Stella knows kids in every direction.

But all is not as rosy as it seems. Little Miss S., who loved school so much last year that she cried when I took her out for a day to go to a water park - and with beloved Mimi no less - didn't want to get out of bed in the morning. And she was so incredibly grumpy. One day last week, she sobbed as she finally confessed to Chris how much she didn't want to go to school. 'It's all tests,' she said, 'and I want to throw the overhead projector out the window!' Her teacher is incredibly kind and dedicated - that wasn't the issue. After 30 minutes at back-to-school night, we knew what was: all we heard about was tests and grades and levels. Chris and I both felt depressed sitting there, and it got worse as we looked at a typical day's schedule, which involved mostly drills and deskwork. There's no question the children were learning — and excelling — but there was no emphasis on, or seemingly any space for, creative thinking.

To each their own, but to my own, creativity is air, and Stella was suffocating. Something had to be done. And so we began calling and visiting the district office and the principal and all the rest.

While prowling the depths of google, I found a Montessori school nearby, on a farm with goats and chickens and a creek out back. Chris and I didn't want to force anything on Stella but we wanted to offer her a choice so that she knew that she had options. Coincidentally, she had Wednesday off, so yesterday she and Chris went to visit and today, I dropped her off there for a full day.

When I picked her up, we got around to talking after visiting the goats and the creek and I asked her what she wanted to do. 'I want to go to school here!' she said. 'What about your old class, would you like to go back tomorrow and say goodbye?' I asked.

She was elated by her day of adventure and fun, but pale and dazed from having to make such a big decision. 'I don't want to go back because I don't want to change my mind, and I'm afraid that if I go back, I will.'

I so get it.

On the car ride home, she offered up the idea of writing a letter to her old class. The more I get out of this girl's way and follow her lead, the better.